We waited until our marriage to have sex.
Who loves the show The Office. It’s our third time watching the show in our marriage (and I’ve watched it before). It’s hilarious, we love it. Something that Michael said yesterday in the show got me thinking. He was about to go on his third date with Holly, and always thought of the third date as the one to have sex.
Many shows we watch are the same way. Sex seems to be expected after the first couple dates. Well Caleb and I waited about 365 dates,
We waited until marriage to have sex.
Umm. Yep. And I'm talking about that today below this pic.
I've been hesitant to talk about this topic out of fear of not saying something right and being misunderstood. Fear of coming off judgmental, fear of judgement from others. But I'm getting over that fear today and sharing, not because of anything we did that was so great, but to be real with our story, in the hopes of bringing love and encouragement to others.
Please know, if you read this, I'm not judging you. Each of our stories look different. I'm the last person who should be judging if you know my story. For real.
This story for me is way more than just waiting until marriage. It's about a journey to live life to the full. One that leads to shame undone and chains being unshackled and turned to freedom.
No matter who you are and what you've done in your life. You're so super loved. Your path might be different than ours and we think you're awesome.
Let us know if you read, and love hearing from you!
📷: Summer Nicole Photography instagram: its_summernicole
Caleb and I waited until we were married to have sex, and here's why.
The Bible says to, and we love God's word. His way is always best, but usually the most difficult.
Caleb was a virgin, I was a born-again virgin (I'll go more into what I mean by that later), that doesn't mean we were perfect by any means. But what we both were very clear with our boundaries from the beginning of our dating relationship, and both vowed before each other and God to honor God and each other in this way.
Those were the main reasons. Honoring God, honoring one another, loving others and wanting to live above reproach.
Caleb grew up with Christian parents and he had a strong love for Jesus from an early age, that doesn't mean He always stayed perfectly on that path, when I first met him he had just recently started really going after God again, but throughout stumbles he remained a virgin.
Born-Again Virgin. I know this term sounds so weird, but think it's appropriate for my story. I'll share a little about it here, you can ask more later if interested.
So we waited. For Caleb it was for 27 years of his life. For me 6 years. And it was well worth the wait to say the least.
Here is more to the back story...
My understanding in the past is that someone should be in a committed long term relationship and be in love to have sex. I was in a serious relationship part of high school and part of college. After my sophomore year of college everything changed for me. I was severally depressed and suicidal. I was dealing with a lot of hurt and pain from my life. I hadn't dealt with painfully childhood memories of physical/emotional abuse & alcohol abusing family member, sexual abuse(not from anyone in my family) and other unresolved very painful issues for me.
It was over 10 years ago now (that summer after my sophomore year of college), and I was radically changed by the love of God. I realized everything in my life would have to change if I was to accept this invitation to make Jesus the Lord of my life. When I started studying the Bible, going to church, Bible studies, and leading high school students I didn't want go at it half way. I read in God's Word that sex should be between a man and his wife. And so I decided 10 years ago to repent to God for what I had done in the past and vowed to Him and asked for His help to wait until marriage then. I felt born again for all the things of my past “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
2 Corinthians 5:17
That doesn't mean my past doesn't come back to haunt me at times, because it does and it has, but I'm leaning onto a new reality now.
Were/are Caleb and I pure in every way? Not even close. Matthew 5:27-““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Umm... that is a tough one there. It shows that even without a physical act we are just as guilty and in need of God's fresh grace every second of our lives.
I remember the first time walking into the church In State College, Pennsylvania called Calvary Baptist. I had never been to a church like that before (I grew up Roman Catholic, only going to Catholic services).
I had never felt dirtier in my life (people were kind, and didn't seem judgmental but it was what was going on with my heart and conscience). I looked around the room and saw girls that looked so pure and good and heard what the pastor was saying and knew I wasn't living that way at all. I was drinking and partying every night and going out with a jerk frat boy at that time. I was around a bunch of drugs the night before (never have done a drug but around them a lot from friends using/dealing). I think I was pretty hungover at that church service.
I wanted to feel pure. But thought all hope was lost for me. I wanted this intense shame that was suffocating me to go away more than I wanted anything else. And it has. Lots of Christian counseling, lots of inner-healing prayer, lots of Bible studies. Lots of learning to hear God's voice and not those evil lies that would play over and over again in my head.
Some days I still feel shame from my past. I was sexually abused for a number of years and the shame on me from the awful things done and that I did still want to envelop me at times. I had developed an attitude towards men that I should use them for attention and what I could get out of them without any care for their emotions. I learned that men have real emotions and are humans just like me. Created in God's image and I should treat them with honor and respect. That meant changing a lot of things.
Those feeling of not being good enough, worthless, unlovable still come up more than I'd like to admit. But there's been growth, and looking back I'm in a way more beautiful place than where I left and I'm so thankful for that.
I don't know your story, sweet friend. But I know someone who does know your whole story and loves you so much anyways, just like He loves me anyways. God made us, Jesus died for us. He conquered death, payed the price for all our sins, and wants to make us new and free.
Purity and peace are gifts that are better than any temporary pleasure. God’s way is all about delayed gratification. This isn’t easy in this instant gratification world we live in. Breaking this mold is difficult but so worth it!
Caleb and I need fresh grace from God everyday and are continually seeking His face and asking for His forgiveness and trying to claim the freedom that comes from knowing the truth.
I have so many more things I could say about this topic. Let me know if you have any questions. You are so dearly loved, friend!!
Here are some verses that changed my thinking, and an article that is very similar to what I learned and tried/try to put into practice.
back then, and are encouraging me now to keep seeking purity.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
1 Timothy 4:12
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
1 Corinthians 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
“You shall not commit adultery.
And it's basically what I learned 10 years ago and believe til this day:
Question: "What is sexual immorality?"
Answer: In the New Testament, the word most often translated “sexual immorality” is porneia. This word is also translated as “whoredom,” “fornication,” and “idolatry.” It means “a surrendering of sexual purity”, and it is primarily used of premarital sexual relations. From this Greek word we get the English word pornography, stemming from the concept of “selling off.” Sexual immorality is the “selling off” of sexual purity and involves any type of sexual expression outside the boundaries of a biblically defined marriage relationship (Matthew 19:4–5).
The connection between sexual immorality and idolatry is best understood in the context of 1 Corinthians 6:18, which says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” The bodies of believers are the “temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Pagan idol worship often involved perverse and immoral sexual acts performed in the temple of a false god. When we use our physical bodies for immoral purposes, we are imitating pagan worship by profaning God’s holy temple with acts He calls detestable (1 Corinthians 6:9–11).
Biblical prohibitions against sexual immorality are often coupled with warnings against “impurity” (Romans 1:24; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 4:19). This word in the Greek is akatharsia, which means “defiled, foul, ceremonially unfit.” It connotes actions that render a person unfit to enter God’s presence. Those who persist in unrepentant immorality and impurity cannot come into the presence of God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8; Psalm 24:3–4). It is impossible to maintain a healthy intimacy with God when our bodies and souls are given over to impurities of any kind.
Sexuality is God’s design. He alone can define the parameters for its use. The Bible is clear that sex was created to be enjoyed between one man and one woman who are in a covenant marriage until one of them dies (Matthew 19:6). Sexuality is His sacred wedding gift to human beings. Any expression of it outside those parameters constitutes abuse of God’s gift. Abuse is the use of people or things in ways they were not designed to be used. The Bible calls this sin. Adultery, premarital sex, pornography, and homosexual relations are all outside God’s design, which makes them sin.
The following are some common objections to God’s commands against sexual immorality:
1. It’s not wrong if we love each other.The Bible makes no distinction between “loving” and “unloving” sexual relations. The only biblical distinction is between married and unmarried people. Sex within marriage is blessed (Genesis 1:28); sex outside of marriage is “fornication” or “sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 7:2–5).
2. Times have changed, and what was wrong in biblical times is no longer considered sin. Most of the passages condemning sexual immorality also include evils such as greed, lust, stealing, etc. (1 Corinthians 6:9–10; Galatians 5:19–21). We have no problem understanding that these other things are still sin. God’s character does not change with culture’s opinion (Malachi 3:6; Numbers 23:19; Hebrews 13:8).
3. We’re married in God’s eyes. This argument implies that God is cross-eyed. The fallacy of this idea is that the God who created marriage in the first place would retract His own command to accommodate what He has called sin. God declared marriage to be one man and one woman united for life (Mark 10:6–9). The Bible often uses the imagery of a wedding and a covenant marriage as a metaphor to teach spiritual truth (Matthew 22:2; Revelation 19:9). God takes marriage very seriously, and His “eyes” see immorality for what it is, regardless of how cleverly we have redefined it.
4. I can still have a good relationship with God because He understands.Proverbs 28:9 says, “If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination.” We fool ourselves when we think that we can stubbornly choose sin and God does not care. First John 2:3–4 contains a serious challenge for those who persist in this line of thinking: “We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person.”
Hebrews 13:4 makes God’s expectation for His children crystal clear: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Sexual immorality is wrong. The blood of Jesus can cleanse us from every type of impurity when we repent and receive His forgiveness (1 John 1:7–9). But that cleansing means our old nature, including sexual immorality, is put to death (Romans 6:12–14, 8:13). Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”