He looked at me funny after I got on the scale. I knew the numbers showing were considerably more than 3 years ago when I had visited the doctors office, he was the same nurse that saw me then and had my records in his hands. I consciously filled my mind with the truth I’ve been practicing for years to take out the old thoughts that used to so quickly fill my mind. Replacing toxic thoughts “you’re body isn’t good enough” “you’re only worthy if you’re under X amount of pounds” “you’re not lovable, you’re not special.”
It’s not an easy battle, but one that is worth fighting. The battle to speak kindly to myself, to remind myself that I’m more than the numbers on the scale, and more than any outside circumstance, failure or success. The truth that I’m cherished by God, and so dearly loved. That my weight doesn’t define me or prove my value to myself or God. The anxiety that started to fill my mind, & my racing thoughts were put at ease & at peace when I filled my thoughts with the truth. The contentment I feel to let go of striving, worrying about what others think about me. It allows me to let go of judging myself and others and focus on things that give me joy & freedom. Over the last 5 years since I got married my weight has been a hard battle for me, and the pressure of living in Los Angeles & showing up online isn’t easy. I’ve hustled harder than ever before to create a business that I love that can help others. And trying to find a balance has been very difficult, putting way too many hours working and less time for working out and eating healthy. At one point I gained almost 45 pounds since before I was married. It was embarrassing to not fit into any of my clothes but I’ve been practicing balance and taking care of myself better, and grace in the process. I’m reminding myself and you that you are so beautifully and wonderfully made, to remember to speak kindly to yourself. To replace toxic thoughts that steal our energy and joy and replace them with the Unshakable truth that the love God has for us is unconditional and everlasting. What kind words are you needed to hear from yourself today? Love hearing from you!